Helping or Degrading, An Angry But Necessary Rant

Since I have a visible physical challenge some people jump in and try to make life easier for me. What they fail to realize is it is more demeaning than helpful to me. At this writting I am 63 years old and I have been feeding and dressing myself since I was 3 years old. Not only that but I don't require special help. I have been the baby sitter and caregiver in my family. To assume that I am physically useless is condescending and degrading. I have had to fight that prejudice for 59 years and counting.

People in general, reason that if they can't perform certain everyday tasks using one hand, they naturally assume that is the case for me. Not necessarily so! If I need help I will ask for it, don't be so quick to "help". Sometimes people start helping because they are uncomfortable with the way I do things. It says to me they think I am inferior physically and it feels degrading. If I want help I'm not shy about asking for it. If I don't ask for it please don't jump in.

Some people try to be sneaky about it like when I'm in a play and the stage direction for my character gets changed. Props get taken away on the assumption I can't handle them. That's insulting to my intelligence and it offends me. Those in charge are only helping because they feel uncomfortable. But they end up making me feel demeaned. I then need to forgive, take a deep breath and point out to the director how I am feeling about their decision. Most times it is worked out well for both of us .

Since I have gotten older and arthritis has started to settle in I will ask for more help than I used to. I find it amusing and sinfully  gratifying when the same people who jump in my business and try to "help" me aren't as fast or strong as they used to be due to illness or age. They find it hard to do simple tasks. I, on the other hand, still have the ability to get things done because I have had to think outside of the box all of my life. If one body part isn't working I use another one. I also use what is in my environment to get my tasks done. For example rulers, yardsticks, thumbtacks, pencils, painters tape, a hammer and nails, can be very handy when hanging things on walls. Don't get me wrong, if I see someone with power tools I make fast friends with them, especially when it comes to home repair. As I have said, I am not shy about asking for help.

But getting back to the topic of helping or degrading , I'm aware people want to be kind and helpful but, considering my age and my permanent disability, how do people think I have survived all of this time? I would think that there was something wrong if people with permenant physical disabilites in one or more of their limbs, haven't figured out how to be independent.

In conclusion, don't help me to make yourself feel better. Show some respect and allow me my God given dignity. Ask before you act. If all you see is a diability when  you look at me then you are ignoring me. If I take a few seconds longer to do sonething then it would take you, so be it! Cultivate patience and show some respect. You will be much older and  physically disabled or weaker  yourself soon enough. You might even need to ask me for my help. Something to think about.